Know the Toddler Phase

The toddler phase in a child’s life can be sharply marked by an increasing need to assert its independence. This will be a time fraught with challenges for you, as you try to support your toddlers’ impulses to explore his environment, while also safeguarding them from any harm.

If the battle to assert your authority may sometimes lead to frayed nerves or tempers on your part, be sure that you will also be rewarded by the development of a new and complex level of interaction between your child and yourself. The toddler phase can indeed be very demanding, especially at the initial stage of the phase.

Here are some ways in which you can encourage and extend your support during this difficult and yet essential and interesting phase in your child’s life:

• Let your toddlers explore within a limit: It is the parent’s task to set acceptable limits and as long as your toddlers do not cross those limits, allow complete freedom to explore. Your toddlers will learn to appreciate this and broaden their horizons through the use of their newfound curiosities.


• Honor and appreciate the choices made by your toddler as long as they do not harm anyone.


• Be calm and composed: Do not get irritated by your toddler’s tendency to refuse or rebel. This is actually a good sign to tell you that your toddler is developing a mind of his or her own.


• Do not neglect your toddler’s urge to play: Get your child various types of games appropriate for a toddler’s age. Your toddlers will learn important things in the process of enjoying the games such as eye-hand coordination, an understanding of logical sequences in events etc.

Also read this Useful article for single parents.

Important Child Development Stages

Social and emotional development

Learning through play

Your baby tries to play with everything. And everything she plays with teaches her something new. She learns from toys, books and household items. She also learns from interactions with people.

If your baby has older brothers and sisters, she will watch to see how they play with toys. Your baby will want to play the same way. She imitates and copies what other people do.

If your baby is with another child of the same age, she will watch the other child. Sometimes she will copy that child’s play. The children may play side by side. But they probably won’t interact except to mimic one another.

Your baby will learn most from her interactions with you. Your patience and support will teach her independence. Your encouragement will help her learn that she is unique and has special skills. Your guidance and consistency will help her feel safe. In return, she will share her learning and success.

Language development

Working on words

Your 12-month-old is probably working hard on her language skills. She shows that she understands many words even though she can’t say them. This is called receptive language. For example, when you ask her to hand you a toy or point to a picture in a book, she can do it.

Continue to go slowly with requests. Break activities down into many parts. Your baby will be able to follow simple requests. For example, if you are looking at a picture book, don’t say, “Where are the farm animals?” Instead, say things like, “Point to the cow.” “Show me the pig.” “Do you see a chicken?” Give your baby time to think and respond before you move on to the next animal.

Expressive language—saying words—is developing, too. Your baby makes conversation-like noises, following your speech rhythm. She may say a few words clearly. She will point and gesture to help you understand the words she doesn’t pronounce well. Clearly say the word she is trying to use. She will try to imitate you. In time, her speech will become clear and easy to understand.

Remember your baby is working on many skills at the same time. For example, she may be putting a lot of energy into learning to walk. If so, her language development may slow down for a bit. Or she may be trying to get used to a new child-care center. If so, her physical and social skills may stall. Usually, with your support, all areas of development will level out. Remember, if you become worried that her development is delayed, talk to her doctor.

Did You Know? - Dads as parents

A father tends to:

• Bond with children in short bursts of connection, both physical and emotional ("short-touch" bonding, rough-and-tumble play).
• Focus on teaching children order, pattern thinking, and ritualized action, (Dads will tend to care less about the minutia of the child’s needs, but care more about larger structures and tools the child might need for future survival.)
• Downplay emotion, even at the risk of hurt feelings, in order to "up-play" performance. (Males are chemically and neurally directed toward immediate rewards from performance, and they prod children in this direction.)
• Promote risk taking and independence in the growing child. (Many moms promote independence, but in general, dads push children toward separation from caregivers and encourage them to "grow up!" faster than moms do.)
• Expect and enforce discipline and provide contests and tests of skill. (Dads tend to be more competitive than moms, especially in their assertion to children that being able to compete in tests of skill against others is the key to future success.)
• Teach the child to fight against personal and group vulnerability. (With less of the male brain's blood flow devoted to emotional processing than the female, fathers tend to deny any emotional vulnerability or try to problem-solve quickly to avoid such vulnerability.)
• Guide the child to sacrifice his or her own thinking in deference to "authority thinking" until the child has proven his or her own core nature to be mature enough to become authoritative. Although there are certainly exceptions to this, fathers tend to employ more authoritarian parenting styles than mothers and retain that authority well into the child’s adulthood, waiting for the child to prove himself (this generally applies more to sons) worthy of being respected as an adult.
• Direct the child’s search for self-worth toward the larger society (that is, encouraging less introspection and more immediate action).
• Try to help the child feel stronger in the long term even if the child does not feel better in the moment. Fathers tend to care less than mothers about whether a child "feels good." Fathers tend to want obvious shows of strength from children. This is especially true in their attitude toward sons.

- By Michael Gurian

Excerpted with permission of the publisher John Wiley & Sons, Inc. from NURTURE THE NATURE. Copyright (c) 2007 by Michael Gurian. This book is available at all bookstores, online booksellers and from the Wiley website at www.wiley.com, or call 1-800-225-5945.

Michael Gurian is a social philosopher, family therapist, corporate consultant, and the New York Times bestselling author of more than twenty books. A parenting and family expert, he is co-founder of The Gurian Institute, a training organization that provides schools, homes, workplaces and community agencies with crucial understanding of how boys and girls learn differently, and how women and men work and lead differently. Blending brain-based theory with practical application and cultural relevance, the Institute conducts research internationally, launches pilot and training programs, and trains professionals.

His groundbreaking books on child development and education that have sparked national debate include The Wonder of Boys, Boys and Girls Learn Differently!, The Wonder of Girls, and The Minds of Boys. He has pioneered efforts to bring neuro-biology and brain research into homes, workplaces, schools and public policy. A sought-after speaker and consultant, he lives with his wife and two daughters in Spokane, Washington.

Babies Respond to Angry and Happy Faces

A baby's social skills start to develop long before she can talk. So do her emotions. Babies quickly come to know emotions and to show them.

A four-month-old baby can tell a happy face when she sees it. And she can tell an angry face when she sees it. She is also aware of a face with no expression.

If there is a lot of yelling and screaming in the house, the noise and emotion will affect your baby.

Another step in learning social skills is that your baby will show when she is angry or sad. She'll do this when she doesn't get what she wants. Anger and sadness are normal. Even so, you don't want your baby to have any negative experiences that last a long time. Babies should have far more positive experiences than negative experiences.

Always be sure to comfort your baby quickly. It does more than provide relief. It also builds up the bond between you and your baby. Babies differ in how social they want to be. Some babies want almost constant time with others. Other babies want more "alone" time. However, it can be very harmful to a baby to leave her alone too much or ignore her.

You should always respond to your baby's needs. This attention will make her happier. Her ability to think and know is tied to her emotions. Babies who feel good are more alert. They are also more attentive and responsive. They learn better. They remember better, too.

Learning about other people starts at an early age. Relating with people also starts early. It is a good start when your baby learns to trust and enjoy her parents and others who take care of her. As newborn babies grow and develop, these are the various child development stages that they go through.